Playing with both hands
by MadaMag
Summary: Depressed after Sai's disappearance Hikaru find himself in front of Toya house. And Kyuko step in order to help his rival's legacy. However, will he alone be enough?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Playing with both hands

Author: MEG

Summary: Depressed after Sai's disappearance Hikaru find himself in front of Toya house. And Kyuko step in order to help his rival's legacy. However, will he alone be enough?

* * *

><p>It was a nightfall already. Touya Kouyou wondered, who would ring at his door at such late time. He frowned. Akira-kun had a late game today. Did he forgot his keys? Or did something happened to him? With anxiety in his hearth he rushed a bit faster to the main door.<p>

He opened the doors and looked out. No one stood immediately at the front door so he looked around. There was a person going back to the main street.

"Shindou-san?" He called a bit surprised. Through rumors and his son he knew the boy ignored all Go connected matters recently. He didn't even show for his matches in Institute, loosing all of them by default. "How can I help you?"

The boy stopped and turn around. He hesitated, making Kouyou look closely. The boy didn't look so well. "Please, come inside."

He opened the door wider and stepped back. Reluctantly Shindou come after him. In the bright light of the entrance he saw the child was in a rather bad shape. His lose clothes were crumpled, but didn't cover the fact the boy was slightly light-weighted. Bags under his eyes suggested trouble with sleeping. His overall posture was slouching, a total opposite to the self-assured teen he played with only few weeks before.

"Akira-kun isn't home. He has a teaching game."

"Ah... Oh..." The boy nodded slightly, clearly not knowing how to react.

"Would you like to have a cup of tea with me?"

Kouyou would be lying if he would tell he wasn't curious about what happened to the boy. He was interested in the young pro-player since the day Akira-kun admitted he lost to a kid about his age. The interested art he played his games, with almost no knowledge of the professional Go world pulled his attention even more. Not to mention, the kid helped him with arranging a match with Sai, someone he could see as his real rival...

* * *

><p>In silence they enter the main room, where Hikaru took a seat. After a moment the host come back caring a tray with two cups of a steaming tea.<p>

Shindou was looking at the brew deeply in thought. Kouyou decided to leave the boy be. If he decided to share his problem he was there to help him. If not... he would respect the young pro wishes.

Yet, a bit probing couldn't hurt.

"Shindou-san, what is the reason for your visit today?"

The boy come back from where ever his mind wandered, he looked up a bit flushed.

"I'm sorry... My legs kinda carried my here themselves... I didn't noticed it was so late already..."

He rushed as if to stand up, the older player stopped him. "Don't worry, it's all right."

He gave the boy a nod of assurance. "Can I help you with whatever is troubling you?"

The boy shocked his head. "No, I don't think so..."

The boy's mind began to wondered again, until his eyes stopped on a large picture handing at one of the walls. It showed a man musing over go-ban, behind him sakura tree within Japanese garden.

"Do you like this picture? It's a copy of a paint from Heian period. The original belonged once to Fujiwara clan."

"Fujiwara?" The child looked up, his attention sorely on his words.

"Yes. It's said when the Emperor had a great problem he went to meditate in front of that painting. I must admit, sometimes when I have a problem with a match, I also come to look at it. It help me to concentrate."

Shindou-kun looked at the picture again. He whispered almost inaudibly.

"Fujiwara... Is that why I am here?"

He had to come to a decision, because with a new resolve he turned to the retired Go player.

"Touya-sensei. Would you play a game with me?" Kyuko didn't expect such request. He stayed quiet, what prompted the boy to add pleadingly. "Maybe a shidougo game... Please."

It was quite important for the boy, it seams.

"Of course. Please, come with me."

* * *

><p>They went to the den, and sat behind a Go-ban.<p>

"You'll begin. Put three stones." He said. There stones were at with he usually played with Akira-kun. Though Shindou-kun had to be a bit rusty, not playing for quite some time.

"Onegaishimasu."

Kyuko noticed the hesitation with which the boy put the stones. As if expecting that the simple move will cause him some harm. There was a pain, almost psychical hurt in his eyes. While the game proceed the older player was frowning inwardly more and more. The game itself wasn't so bad. It was even brilliant in rare moments. But it wasn't a game he would expect from that child.

He self played with him only once, at the begin-dan series. However, he knew it wasn't how usually the child played. He studied Shindou's other kifus and knew those hands then were different. That one game had the intensity, the vehemence of an experienced, sophisticated player. While the boy had great potential, a real genius child, that then wasn't his usual hands. Those today also wasn't his usual hands.

Shindou played an energetic game. Full of traps and deceiving hands, like a beginner going against much stronger opponent. Solid and well thought, like a high level sophisticated players, like Sai or Shusaku. However, the hands that were played now...

The flow of the stones was ragged, torn. Almost similar to the boy overall appearance. He had an advantage here and there, but if he will not connect it fast, he would lose, badly. Since it was shidougo Kyuko tried to coax him to the right direction. However, the boy seams to ignore the hints, if he even noticed them. So he tried a different approach and attacked him head on.

The boy hesitated in his next move. The older man looked up, and saw tears falling from Shindou's face.

"Stupid, stupid Hikaru." The boy whispered to himself. Kyuko was sure the boy didn't meant only his last moves. "You never played a shidougo... Can we play again?"

There was something in the boys voice. As if his life would depend of it. And even if it was rude to not end a game...

"Of course."

* * *

><p>Hikaru changed his position. He put the goke on his left side, and start to use his left hand to put the stones on the go-ban. The battle was more even. In fact, Kyuko had a hard time to believe it's the same player as in the last game. It didn't felt similar to any game he played previously. It wasn't a game he read from Shindou's kifus. It wasn't the game he played at the begin-dan series.<p>

It was very similar to the game with Sai... however, it lacked the oppressive atmosphere and experience. Yet, the ingenious and novelty of the moves covered most of it's gabs. It was a rebuild of Shusaku games, not only including the modern moves, but also with moves that could become canon in the future. The game, with its infancy errors, was very refreshing for the experienced player.

In the end Hikaru had three stones more. With the komi, it made him loss with two and half moku.

Kyuko looked at his opponent, who was slowly gaining awareness, as if coming back from a deep trance. The boy looked at the go-ban and smiled for the first time that evening.

"The reverse of the first game with Touya." He commented the final result.

"You played more than excellent this time. In fact the level of this game was close, if not the same as the game with Sai... or the begin-dan series... " The last time was added with some consideration.

Hikaru shook his head. "No! No, that game and those games... Can't you see how far they are apart?" There was a sign of desperation in his voice.

Kyuko looked once again at the go-ban. To think that the boy on the opposite side was able to push him so much around... and claiming he isn't good enough? He may not have prepared for the game as he did in other cases... as he did before the game with Sai. However, it didn't meant that he didn't give his best. Did he once again found someone who he could claim to be his rival?

"It's not a game Sai would play..." He heard the murmur of his guest.

"No, it's not. But is a game Sai would be extremely proud of." Seeing that the boy don't get the point he tried again. "Sai is a master of the very high level. However, in the art he is playing his games there is very little room to improvement. He will learn and get better, of course. But for him to really improve, he would have to change the very way he is playing. The same way I did after my play with him. It's like the shape of a stone. It can get better and better, but at some point only making a new stone, with a new shape can win the game."

Kouyou saw that the boy didn't agree with him. "Look at the go-ban. In those places are shapes that Sai will probably never build. Some of the shapes need to be working at. However, there are shapes that are brilliant, blessed with the kami's hand."

"But... I can never play like Sai." For some reason that was something that upset the boy the most.

"No, you can't. You aren't him. Nevertheless, Sai's play will always be a part of your play." Thinking of all the missing games he added quietly. "If you will play, that is."

The boy stepped back from the go-ban. Hiding his face between his arms and knees he confessed.

"Sai isn't there anymore. He wanted only to play... But I... I was selfish... I wanted to play my own games. And now he is gone. I thought... I thought that if I promise to never play myself, that kami... That kami will give me him back... He wanted only to play Go. He wanted to be your rival... to reach Hand of God with you. Instead... in The Game it was I who saw a move that could be a Hand of God... and kami took him away..." Te boy sobbed.

While Kyuko was a highly traditional and proper man, he was also a caring husband and father. He crossed the go-ban and took the crying child in his arms. Because in this moment the pro Go player, the glorious prodigy was only a small boy in a need of consolation. From these words he understood that Sai, whom he suspected to be the boys mentor and maybe the closest friend died, leaving the boy in a deep depression. Shindou couldn't stand anything that remembered him of Sai, Go in particular, thus the thrown matches.

Seeing the boy half asleep he told him quietly. "It's late. You'll spent the night here, in the guest room. I'm sure some of Akira clothes will be your size."

"My mom..."

"I'll call her. Akira put your number in the address book. Come on, we will talk more tomorrow."

* * *

><p>The next day after the evening visits Shindou wake up late, missing Akira who already was out for his matches. After a short breakfast he and Kyuko played three more games.<p>

Kyuko observed that in two of those games, when the boy played with left hand, the game were on a very high level, with some more time and experience they would reach his own level. Though, the game with the right hand was different. It showed great potential, true, but the level was much lower. It was as if the boy would try to develop a style from a scrap, without previous experience. The older Go player frowned at the difference. Shindou explained then, he plays his own games when he plays right-hand. The play with left-hand wasn't his. It was Sai's.

Thinking about it Kouyou concluded, that for some reason Hikaru thinks that he can't play the high level games himself. So, he is using Sai, the person whose level he wanted to reach, as an excuse for his better play.

Seeking a way to help the boy he asked for a meeting in the future. Shindou was reluctant at first. However with Kouyou remark that it would be a disrespectfully toward Sai's memory if he would stop playing finally helped to change the boy mind. He agreed for a future game 'in the memory of Sai', and also promised to go back to the pro games.

* * *

><p>tbc. r&amp;r<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Playing with both hands

Author: MEG

Summary: Depressed after Sai's disappearance Hikaru find himself in front of Toya house. And Kyuko step in order to help his rival's legacy. However, will he alone be enough?

* * *

><p>Kyuko observed the boy's development with a great interest. For some reason he wanted to be the one who would help the boy to reach the highest level, the Hand of God. To continue Sai's quest. He was glad when he heard from Ogata, that Shindou Hikaru come back, once again declaring his rivalry with Touya Akira. He was also told, that the boy hadn't lost any games, rousing angst in his opponents. His skills were much above an one-dan player, and were constantly growing. Even his friends noticed, that in the time he was absent his abilities have matured and developed.<p>

After the first meeting Kouyou and Hikaru gathered usually twice a week, partially spending the time on playing, partially on speaking. Shindou didn't have problems to talk about his friends and games. He talked also about his plays with Akira in Touya Go Salon. Yet every time the talk would turn too personal, about Sai or about the difference on his 'left' and 'right' hand, he would clam up. Fortunately, Kyuko was a patient man and he knew he needed gather the boy's trust first.

In an unspoken agreement they never talked about their sessions. Even Akira had no knowledge of it. They didn't try to hide it from him per se, but Touya senior prefer those meetings to be undisturbed, and that meant an empty house, when his son was away at work. They also didn't want other players to know about their frequent meetings. Both knew how the gossip in the world of Go works, and wished to avoid following awkward questions and suspicions.

Hikaru would always play with Kouyou with his 'left' hand. However, kifu from his other matches showed that Shindou always used his 'right' hand. Kouyou remarked on it and Shindou said it was all right. Because while he played with Touya-sensei he played in the place of his rival, Sai. In his scheduled matches he played as himself, Shindou. Kouyou's explanations that all the games were his, that he played them all for himself wasn't acknowledged. The young prodigy only shook his head and refused to talk about it quite stubbornly.

With the time Kouyou began to doubt to ever tear the mental barrier between Shindou Hikaru's hands. Maybe sometime in a distant future, after Shindou's 'right' hand mature enough to be almost equal to the 'left' one the boy would acknowledge that both hands as his own. Maybe.

* * *

><p>One night Ogata brought Akira home. His usually calm child had difficult to hide his anger and annoyance. He stormed to his room, leaving Ogata to tell the tale. The blond man only smirked.<p>

"It's nothing new sensei. It seams that as usual Shindou-kun is the only one to make a rise in Akira-kun. They discussed a game and like almost all their meetings in Go salon so far, it finished in a shouting match."

Kouyou heard already about the boys frequent getting together to discuss and play and heard, through not officially, about their arguments. However, it was the first time he saw how they influence his son.

"I gather with Shindou-kun character, Akira isn't the only one in such a mood?"

"You are right, sensei. It's a wonder Akira-kun can be so agitated. He may deny it, but he really considers the other boy as a real friend."

Touya senior acknowledged Ogata's observations. Wouldn't that perhaps to be a way to force Shindou to play with all his skills? If Akira would know about the high level Hikaru can play at, Kouyou had no doubt that in order to improve his own abilities he would insist to play the 'left' hand. He had no doubt his son would find a way to make Shindou do it. The only question was, would this help the boy to acknowledge his skills, or would it break his 'right' hand, in effect also breaking the boy himself. Kouyou wasn't sure.

* * *

><p>It seams to be a normal evening in Touya's Go Salon. However, before the Go match between the two young pro players could change into shouting match, a visit of a prominent persona caught everybody's attention. It was the owner himself. The sudden retirement from pro world didn't diminish the interest around him at all. On contrary, with more time to meet amateur players or be at amateur events the interest even rose.<p>

Some of the patrons asked for a game with him, though Kouyou politely refused, explaining he come because of his interest in Akira and Shindou's game. Finally he reached Shindou and Akira's table. Akira was quite surprised to see his father in the Go Salon. Was he here to play? They played with each other every day, as long as they had time, but only in the private of their home. Or did something unexpected happened?

"Father. Is everything all right?" he asked.

The older Touya smiled. "Your games here at salon got quite famous. I decided to look at it."

Both boys flushed at that, knowing well it wasn't the games itself that make it well known.

"I'm sorry, father." Akira bowed his head.

"Yes, sorry Kouyou-sensei." The patrons looked perplexed hearing the boy using the ex-Mejin first name, but the man only smiled.

"So, show me your game."

For the next hour a fierce, but quiet battle was going on the go-ban. While discussing the game both boys behaved unnaturally polite, the man noticed wryly to himself.

"Touya-sensei, would you show us a game with Akira-san?" The patrons pleaded. Akira tried to protest, but his father already agreed.

"If you insist. Then a game with Hikaru-kun, perhaps?"

Akira didn't have the time to ponder the frown that come at Shindou face hearing those words, nor the use of the first name. He knew in a game with his father he would need all his concentration.

"One stone handicap?" He asked.

"I may not to be a pro anymore, but..." Kouyou teased, as if he himself would be the one of lower skill.

"Father!" The boy flushed. "An even game is then."

After nigri the fight began. The patrons tried not the disturb the players, however they couldn't stop their comments. Finally, after a good battle Akira resign.

The patrons congratulated the ex-Mejin his victory and Akira his holding the ground. After that they discussed the game.

Finally Kouyou said. "Hikaru-kun, tell me, whose hands do you see here."

The boys looked up. "Hn? This are Touya hands."

"Are you so sure. Look at that shape. Doesn't it look as one Ogata-kun would play?"

They looked closely. "You're right father."

"Ne, Touya, Ogata-sensei is rubbing on you." Shindou teased.

"Yes, but why do you as well?" Akira mockingly whined pointing at another shape. The other boy laughed.

"Hikaru-kun. It's our turn to play."

The boys changed their seats. Looking at the goke on the right side Kouyou frowned.

"Nigri." Shindou put stones on the board.

Everybody looked slightly curious at the master, who didn't even bother to reach for the stones.

"Hey, Shindou, don't you know where the handicap stones are to be placed?" One of the patrons scolded. The boy send him a glare.

"Hikaru-kun. Why don't you play with me as usual?" Kouyou said seriously.

"I want to play for myself." Shindou said after a short peek at Akira. The older Touya smiled inwardly, on the outside he was stoic as ever. His plan may work.

Both males were staring at each other over the board.

"Hikaru-kun." He shake his head. "When will you acknowledge the legacy that Sai left in you?" There was a sudden gasp from Akira, but both ignored it. "Sai is gone. Accept it. He left his strength with you. Now it is your strength to use. No matter what hand or how you play it. It is all yours."

The boy hung his head, covering his eyes.

After a moment of silence, with a sigh Kouyou said, "Nigri." and put his stones on go-ban.

* * *

><p>They exchanged few hands before Shindou rose his head. Kouyou was stoic as ever, though for those few who knew him it was clear he was disappointed. Akira, taught to not talk while a game glared at his rival with all his might. Shindou, who get to know his glares quite well over the time recognized it at the anger of not telling about Sai. Though, there was something more. It was the look Akira give him after their third game. The frustration over the fact that he had held back, that he didn't provide a worthy game...<p>

An unexpected thought come to his mind. Is Kouyou-sensei feeling the same, after his 'right' hand games? Over the months, after Sai went away, the man become the primal male model in his life. In the same way he wanted Sai to be proud of him, he began to wish for recognition from the older player. He didn't want to fail the expectations of neither of them.

A force behind a stone that Hikaru put on the go-ban make Kouyou look up at the boy and smile with relief. They will see the boy's real skill after all.

The patrons looked at the game perplexed. The boy they usually hold below Akira was holding his own against the ex-Mejin. More so, no one could tell who was at the advantage. Both players attacks and defenses were perfect, neither made mistakes.

Akira stopped his glaring, too deep into the game. This was the skill, the strength he always suspect Shindou to have, no matter how poorly he played. Why didn't Shindou play with him like that? Did he thought he wasn't worthy, wasn't good enough?

It was good over an hour later when it come to yose, where both players tried to gather even the smallest territory. When the game finally come to the end both player exhaled deeply.

The patrons, not as skilled in counting the territory as the professionals, asked around, "Who won? Touya-Mejin? How much?"

Akira looked between the go-ban, his father and Shindou. Finally Kouyou question brought him back to the present.

"Akira, whose hands are that?".

"Shindou's, of course. True, this here looks like something Shusaku would play. That shape... I don't know how's possible, but I can only think as your hand. There are shapes that could be Sai's, but there is always at least one in Shindou's games, so it's not so surprising. But that game here... It's not how he normally plays. The game is as unique as all his games, but... it's on so much higher level..."

* * *

><p>Since the patrons didn't stop their murmurs the players reached to move the stones to allow the count of territory. With the komi the game concluded at half a moku win for Hikaru. Someone said it was a fluke, so Kouyou spoke loudly.<p>

"Once again less then two moku difference as result of our game. It seams not only Akira-kun but I as well will chase after you in short time."

Hikaru blushed. "It's only because I know your game so well. Maybe not shortly, but someday I will be good enough to be considered to be on your level, Kouyou-sensei." He said seriously.

The moment was broken by Akira.

"Shindou Hikaru!" In the followed silence he began to shout. "I can't believe you! How can I grow if you don't play with me with your real skills? Have you forgotten your promise to be my rival so we can reach the Hand of God together?"

"Of course not! How can you suggest something like that! It's not my fault I wanted to play my own game!"

Ichikawa -san gently touched Touya Kouyou arm.

"Touya-sensei, I'd suggest you leave them alone. I doubt you can talk with them being as such, and they will get really loud."

Kouyou looked at the both boys, who ignored him and every person in the salon completely.

"I believe you are right. I think from now they can watch after each other for themselves."

Even outside he heard his son's quietening voice shout.

"Whose game can you play if not your own, stupid? Of course the games you play are yours! I can't believe you have the audacity to play such pathetic games with me till now..."

* * *

><p>Kouyou slowly went on his way home, musing in melancholy.<p>

The whole experience showed once again, that in the end Akira was Hikaru's destined rival. His son was the reason for the other to grown. Since Hikaru acknowledged Sai strengths as his own he was a bit ahead of Akira. His son will make sure, that Shindou plays with his full potential from now on, so he self can reach this level as well.

The Kami gave him, Kouyou, already a chance. Only one chance to play with his destined rival. And while the game was outstanding and significant, it was not enough.

He had to trust in those young players. That they together will size their chance. That they will reach their goal. Kouyou smiled with new hope. The hope that he will be there to see that long awaited game.

* * *

><p>AN. To say it clearly. Hikaru isn't as good as Kouyou, yet. His "left hand" is better than his canon, because from the beginning it was more mature and sophisticated. It was not trained "to defeat" Sai, it was trained "to be" Sai.<p>

Please, leave your comments. Thank you.


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